Mutants have been seen marauding through the Eaton Centre, raiding the Apple Store for components to fix their jet plane and Wolverine was spotted at Booster Juice applying for the position of "fruit dicer".
Even more alarming, Daleks have been spotted on the Gardiner Expressway. When questioned about their intention, they were heard to say something about the Leafs needing all the help they can get
Why is this happening to my city? To whom will Toronto turn in its time of peril? Should we send the Tactical Squad to Gotham and kidnap Batman? Possible, but you know, the dude can't even fly and he's kind of a whiner: "My parents were killed, I'm an orphan, my codpiece is too tight" Yadda yadda. Dude, you're the richest man on earth or something, shut the fuck up
Who else, how about Green Arrow? Right, another rich dude with a dead daddy. So papa dies and your response is to put on a mask and run around with your underwear showing ... Yeh, I think he needs more help than does my inperiled city
It's beginning to look grim for Toronto. Whatever shall we do? The big name superheroes don't seem to be viable options. Perhaps we should cruise Ossington Ave searching for random heroines, or hipsters or whoever the hell these are
In our desperate hour of need, quite frankly, we'll take anyone, even a giant apparently dead rodent .. hey, who was searching for heroes in City Hall
I suppose we could launch some kind of orbital probe and scour the greater universe for help, goodness knows what we will bring back; alien creatures, Buck Rogers, a couple of female Star Trek ensigns ... hey, they didn't come from space, unless the Brass Rail qualifies as space
OK let's face the facts here: Toronto may be fucked. All of these heroes seem a tad suspect. Yeh, I know, don't search for actual heroes at Comic Con. Now you tell me.
Here's the video
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