TORONTO GANGS: THEY'RE ALL ANINMALS

Gang violence in Toronto is getting out of hand. They're calling this the Summer of the Gun Part 2

I'm calling it the summer of the fang

It began with a daring break out. Two members of the High Park Capybara gang busted out of their jail (or pen) in High Park and went on the lam. Not lamb. I want to make this perfectly clear: No lambs are on the loose in the GTA

The two notorious gang members called themselves Bonnie and Clyde (the media may have had something to do with it) in reference to some gangstas from days gone by. In this sense, the capybara's were indeed OG.

You can see pics of the capybara gang online. They look like giant rats. "Hey!" Clyde bellows,"We ain't no rats! Snitches get stitches!"

OG indeed

What the intent of these water loving criminals may never be known. Perhaps a crime spree of tagging canoes in the Inner Harbour or swimming naked at the nude beach at Hanlon's Point.

Perhaps they had more insidious designs. Was it the ultimate plan of the capybara's to replace the beaver as our national symbol?

We will never know. The gangster way of life is a hard one. Tu Pac, Biggie E, they all got brought back down to Earth

For every bad ass there is a badder asset. Yeh, that's a word, cuz I just used it. Shut up.

Another gangsta broke out of prison in TO, an infamous assassin with no known gang affiliation in this area but often used to do the dirty work. Code name: Alligator. Yeh, one got out

Last night there were reports of dead capybara's in the eastern beaches. Are they the capybaras? Are they actually dead? And are there gator teeth marks on their bodies? That's what I want to know

Hey capybara's, this ain't no gangster's paradise

THE WORLD'S TOUGHEST AMBASSADOR IS WATCHING YOU

Kevin Vickers is a hero. A Canadian hero. As you may remember he was the sergeant-at-arms for the Federal Parliament when a lone man shot a soldier at the war memorial on Parliament Hill then stormed the building itself, armed and ready to shoot. It was Vickers, a retired RCMP officer who stopped the man in the most decisive way possible: He shot him dead

I have absolutely no problems with Vicker's actions on that day. A man who had already murdered an innocent person was on his way to do more harm. The sergeant-at-arms put a stop to that.

For his actions, Vickers was awarded the post of Canada's Ambassador to Ireland. OK, not what I may have given as a reward but I won't quibble, I guess that is how these things are done. Part of me wondered, in our politically correct overly timid culture did we just want to get this warrior out of the way? And off the TV?

I didn't think about it all that hard (right, like I ever think hard about anything). The guy is a hero and I won't begrudge him some perks.

Now, I'm beginning to wonder if there were other reasons why the feds wanted to sort of get Vickers out of the way

I just read a story describing Vickers attending, in his official capacity, some ceremony or parade in Ireland. A protestor shows up. Vickers gets a gleam in his eye. This man, who I assume is in his late 60's or early 70's tackles the dude as if to say "Not on my watch son"

Moral: Do not fuck with Kevin Vickers. Do not get agitated around Kevin Vickers. Avoid eye contact with Kevin Vickers at all time. No sudden movements. Dude seems more tightly curled than a swim suit model at a free buffet

One wonders what life was like on Parliament Hill when Vickers was the sergeant-at-arms. Did people prowl around quietly, sidling along the walls, head ducked, terrified that if they swung their arms Vickers would jump them and put them in a toe hold and ask for the hall pass?

When his office door was closed did people leave little offerings there, then scurry away ... a fifth of Glenfidditch, a blood sausage, a speed loader filled with Vicker's favorite ammo.

If someone dropped a tray in the cafeteria when Vickers was present did everyone wheel and point at the perpetrator yelling "It was him!"

Over there in Dublin, the people of Ireland would be surprised if they came into Kevin's office. "Where is the Ambassador they say?" Only to find themselves in a rear naked choke after Vickers leaped out of a potted plant, face in cammo paint.

They would realize, then, that the Ambassador of Canada is a ninja

There have been strange reports from Ambassador's Row in Dublin of a grey haired figure dashing across the rooftops of the embassy dropping down through skylights and subduing the night cleaning staff

Kevin Vickers has been banned from kiddie carnivals. Too many little tots gagged and tied to their strollers. "They were getting out of hand," the Ambassador explained. "All that screeching and waving of hands."

Joggers are being tackled at the knees and arm barred. "Let's keep that fast movement to a minimum," the Ambassador declared.

It's reported that a pigeon flying too close to the Canadian embassy ended up with a black eye. "I thought it was a drone," Mr Vickers stated.

So people of Ireland, hell people of the entire planet, be on your best behaviour. Keep it civil and keep it calm. The world's toughest ambassador is watching you

ART: DEATH: LIFE: LEGACY

Mortality and art. The mortality of artists. The immortality of their art. Old story, new songs. Especially lately.

I've been thinking quite a bit lately about the deaths of David Bowie and of Prince and how some people want me to believe that Prince's artistic life was comparable to Bowie's and how we really shouldn't try to make these quantitive judgements and yet we still do

Both men died too early, irregardless of their age. Bowie was still an actively creative musician, releasing a new album at the time of his death. I don't think Prince was creative, he seems to be mostly remembered for music created in the 90's but he was a relentless performer.

Bowie's death was not sudden but the news of it was sudden to us and while he was still a young man, the length and breadth of his incredible career made us think him as old, as having been around a long time. His death was sad but it was from an illness that we all, unfortunately, understand.

Prince's death was indeed sudden. Unexpected. The circumstances of which are not as easily as understood as Bowie's. I think the shock of it has inspired some of the statements about his greatness and influence, of the comparison of his creative legacy to that of Bowie, statements that may eventually wane in time but it's easy to understand. For his fans, it was a shock.

Now we come to the sad and strange story of Gord Downie. I am writing this post on the day we learned that he has been diagnosed with a form of brain cancer that is generally considered terminal. Some people have been known to live with this cancer for a long time, others not so much. He could be with us for a long time still, or he could be gone far too soon.

It's rather a strange thing. The Hip have announced that they will launch a summer tour, to be Gord's last. A farewell tour I suppose. The one that Bowie and Prince never got to engage upon. I'm already thinking of Downie in the past tense yet the man is still alive, at this time stable, at this time planning to continue to perform and hopefully create.

If you go to see the Hip on this tour will it be the last time you will see Gord? If you have tickets towards the end or the tour will you get to see him at all? And what if, hopefully, he continues to survive. Will there be another tour, another Hip recording, another Gord Downie solo project

It's just an odd thing. Bowie and Prince are gone but their art will live on for a long time. Gord Downie is still alive but I listen to Fully, Completely as if that is part of his legacy, as if it is a Bowie or Prince recording, as if there will be no more. But there may be.

It's too early to evaluate Gord's and the Hip's legacy. Yet one is inclined to do so. Just thinking of them, that music, what it all meant.

David Bowie was one of the greatest musicians of modern times. Simple. You can't convince me otherwise. Relentlessly creative, fearless, eclectic, trend setting, chimerical, at once profane and eloquent, technical and organic, audacious and reticent. When you look at his body of work you good be looking at the music of several musicians but that was Bowie: Ziggy, The Thin White Duke, Commander Tom

In a five year period Bowie made recordings like Ziggy Stardust, Young Americans, The Thin White Duke, Low, Heroes, Let's Dance ... records that spanned the precursor of punk to electronic, to blue eyed soul and beyond. It's really a remarkable achievement

For me, Prince peaked with Purple Rain. When the Doves Cry really is a remarkable song that still resonates with me to this day. There were others of course but I kind of part ways with him soon after that. The falsetto affection of Kiss and beyond really did little for me. When people wrote about Bowie they wrote about those remarkable albums, the variety of them. When people remember Prince he comes across as a 90's icon

But Prince was a truly talented musician. He could play a huge array of instruments and play them well. He was a talented and technical producer. He was an amazing guitarist, you have to put him high on any list of under rated guitar players. And his fans loved him. He did not have the breadth and vision of Bowie's work but clearly, he impacted people

Gord Downie is a poet. Really. More than most other songwriters who have to at least be lyrical. And he is a prototypical Canadian poet, not just because he writes about Canada (more frequently and more ferociously than a lot of other Canadian artists) but because he finds poetry in the every day, the mundane. He is a perfect counterpart to the other great poet of Canadian music, Leonard Cohen

At this point Downie is a living legacy. We think about what he has done but, he is not done. I am excited to see him perform again but really, I hope he continues to write, to create, to give us that vision of his that is truly unique.

Art and mortality. One remains forever. The other is a certainty. But in the odd case of Gord Downie, they are both existing right now, in this moment, together

With both excitement and trepidation, I want to see what they will do together

IF/THEN: THE MUSIC OF CHOICE

What if ...

It's a question we often ask ourselves. We decided to this, what would have happened if we had decided to that? We ask that question a lot during our lives and it can range from the mundane (maybe I should have the chicken salad instead of the double bacon poutine) to the prosaic (if I had taken that other job I would have my own company car) to the life altering (that guy/girl back in college, what if I had chosen them)

The conundrum is best expressed by the great British philosopher Jo Strummer: Should I stay or should I go

These are the kinds of questions posed in the musical If/Then currently playing at the Princess of Wales Theatre in Toronto. In the play we are introduced to Elizabeth, a young woman returning to New York City after a failed marriage in Denver Colorado ("I wasn't living in a city all these years, I was living in Denver") and searching for restart to her life. She is in Madison Square Park, awaiting an old college friend of hers and she meets a handsome young soldier and doctor returning from the war. Does she turn down the soldier's advances or does she go with them ... The musical shows us both possible outcomes as the story goes on

In the first act playwright Brian Yorkey's book is clever and quite funny. We follow Elizabeth through the two possibilities of her life, there are characters who exit in both worlds. All of her decisions, in both streams, stem from what she feels have bee wasted years in her life, in a marriage that was hollow in a place that lacked the vibrancy of her native NYC

It's a challenging play for all the actors. Everyone is essentially playing two characters, one in each stream of Elizabeth's life and accordingly each actor does double duty in the singing. All of the actors are up to the task; as Lucas, Elizabeth's best friends and maybe lover, Anthony Rapp does not possess the most technical of voices but he more than makes up for it in his understanding of what the songs are about, and his character should best express them

But really, if I'm talking about this production, the main talking point is Jackie Burns. While many of the actors do double duty on the songs, as Elizabeth, the character around whom the entire story revolves, Burns does double lead duty

As the play starts off, when it is more jovial and satirical, her voice is efficient and effective. But as the story progresses it becomes increasingly dramatic, as Beth's life goes on her decisions become more important and what were once intellectual concerns, become life changing.

And Jackie's voice changes. It becomes big and powerful and filled with emotion while never lose pitch or tone. It is a jaw dropping performance. When I hear of these manufactured pop divas who need to lip sync during their "live" performances because it's just too darn challenging to sing while dancing I would love to drop them in Miss Burn's world. Not only does she sing two lead roles, she dances and she acts and she has to move to keep up with a very fluid stage design.

The story is a good one, sharp and witty and never afraid to show the darker side of life. The entire cast is strong. But Jackie Burns is the star of If/Then on every level. I was not aware of her before this performance but she could now get me into a seat regardless of the play in which she was performing

LOVE ON TRIAL: THE JUDAS KISS

Love conquers all, or so goes the platitude. Well, like most platitudes, it's pretty much full of shit.

OK, maybe love can conquer but it can also destroy. Not just the love of another, but the kind of love shared between the two. Or so it stands in David Hare's play The Judas Kiss, currently running at the Ed Mirvish Theatre.

Judas Kiss tells the story of Irish poet and playwright and novelist Oscar Wilde. Probably best known for his only novel The Portrait of Dorian Grey and for plays such as The Importance of Being Ernest. Also known for being a general wit, scholar and raconteur of a very high level. And also known for being gay in and time and place where that was, incredibly, illegal

As the play opens, Wilde is deep into the second of three famous trials. In the first trial, Wilde sues the Marquis of Queensbury (yeh, the boxing rules guy) for slander, after the powerful British lord accused the playwright of being a "sodamite" Wilde loses that case and it opens him to being charged with "gross indecency. Yeh, basically accused of being gay. A very serious charge in that time and in that place. If convicted, Wilde would go to prison and his life as an artist and public person would be over

The trial is not going well. In a hotel room in London, Robbie, a former lover of Wilde's and his most honest friend, has arranged for the playwright to leave London, leave England, to go into exile in order to avoid prison. It is a dire situation, with reporters outside and police on the way. Robbie has arranged everything, he fears that if Wilde returns to the courtroom, his next stop would be prison

There is another person in that hotel room though and he does not want Wilde to leave. He wants him to stay, to return to court, to fight. It is important, he says, that Wilde stand his ground and help turn the tide of prejudice against homosexuals

This person is a beautiful young man called Bosie. He is Wilde's current lover. And oh yeh, he is the nephew of the Marquis of Queensbury. A callow wannabe poet, it is suggested that Bosie is using this situation  to thumb his nose at his powerful family ... while staying in it

The play opens with a pair of naked bodies in that hotel room, having sex. They are not Wilde and Bosie, they are not even Wilde and Robbie. They are two of the three hotel employees who serve the men in the first act of the play. Sex plays a part in the story, the lure of the flesh, the need to release but really, this is a story about love

Oscar Wilde is a brilliant man. He is a keen observer of society and an eloquent satirist. Much of his dialogue in the play, if not direct quotes, are close enough. He is hilarious, with that kind of wit we admire but wish never to be directed to us

But Wilde is weak. His weakness is love. He cannot see Bosie for who and what he really is. Robbie can but he cannot sway his friend to that point of view. And thus begins Wilde's downfall. His love for Bosie leads him back to the trial and eventually to prison for three years

The second act takes place shortly after Wilde is released from prison, essentially in exile in Italy. He is penniless. His wife is threatening divorce and to cut him off from his income and his children. Robbie has come to bear the bad news. But the actual bad news is that Wilde is once again with Bosie. And once again, Bosie breaks Wilde's heart

The Judas Kiss is a sad story. Sad that Wilde is the architect, in some respect, of his own demise. Somewhere inside he must understand that Bosie is poison but he can't tear himself away. Sad that who we choose to love is not only not accepted by society, but can put our lives in danger. That applied to homosexuals in the Victorian age and it applies to homosexual men now, in several countries across the globe

For all its sadness though, the play illicit much laughter. Wilde was a great wit and Hare does a perfect job of capturing that wit. From the profane to the bawdy to the eloquent, there is an awful lot of humour in a play that should be considered a tragedy

There is also and awful lot of high quality acting. Charlie Row  as Bosie has the always difficult job of playing a villain who maintains our interest. He is quite riveting in the role, you really can't take your eyes off him. Cal MacAnnich as Robbie beautifully expresses himself through a wide range of emotions as he desperately fights to save the man he loves, even though that man has given himself to another

Rupert Everett is an actor with a reasonable string of TV and movie credits but I can't say he's ever been on my radar. The Judas Kiss has changed that. He is absolutely magnificent as Wilde. Wilde was a man of words and Everett surrenders to that, for most of the play he is just sitting in a chair. But his voice, his timing and his body control even while seated, takes us through a wide range of emotions. It really is a pretty spectacular performance

Everett gives us an incredibly bright, incredibly funny man trapped in a time and circumstance that seemed to set him up for tragedy. He knows his fate, if he lets himself love who needs to love and be the person that he wants to be. But he goes there. In some ways Wilde was a foolish man. But he was also a very brave one. At one point Bosie, a self declared poet, tells Wilde that he must leave him so that he, Bosie, can give the world his gift. Rosie's gift seems to be childishness and curliness. It's Wilde gift that lives on. And Rupert Everett's gift that we are able to open it

THIS POLITICIAN WILL BE SCHEDULED AT OUR DISCRETION

Seems I'm writing more about politics these days than is my wont but let's face it, these are some pretty crazy days

My knowledge about politics is, at best, average but I do have a little background in media and that's the theme that really seems to be snarling and spitting and demanding attention. It's right over there, in the corner. Please don't feed it. And avoid eye contact at all times

Yesterday saw the passing of Rob Ford, former city and councillor and former mayor of Toronto. Although his time as our mayor was brief, he became one of the most famous people in Canada. The Crack Mayor. Yeh, that guy

Ford died of cancer at the age of 46. That is way way way too young. He leaves behind too young kids. It sucks beyond comprehension. And it sucks that we all have these stories in our own personal lives. Cancer is the truly great Evil of our times

There are parallels being drawn between Ford and Donald Trump. Both are the sons of rich men, self made men, who gave their sons a start in the world. In Ford's case it is even more true, his father was not only a businessman, he was a politician, a Provincial Member of Parliament for a while. Seems to me Ford Senior was trying to build himself a political dynasty as several members of his family have been or still all involved in politics

Trump is an elitist. He is always happy to let everyone know how rich he is, how much money he makes, how many deals he's gotten the upper hand in. The fact that his followers consider him to be "non establishment" is rather mind boggling. Ford was the opposite. He sold the "common man" persona. He loved football, he cursed, he was rude and blunt. But people loved him. I think he was a good city councillor, there are hundreds of stories of him giving out his home phone number, of returning calls, of getting things done for people even if they were not his constituents. I hardly doubt Mr Elite Combover Boy would ever do that

As a mayor, Ford was a different animal. Here he becomes more Trump like, a privileged rich boy who just expected everything to fall in place for him. He could not handle opposition. He could not handle critisism. He became rude, mocking, ignorant and combative. People say they love politicians without filters; fair enough, but when that non filtering leads them to say something stupid and disrespectful they should have the the grace to at least be chagrined and use a sense of humour. Like former Toronto mayor Mel Lastman. I don't think Ford had a sense of humour. He would just become more truculent and mean spirited

I don't know if Ford ever really wanted to be mayor. He was in his element and as a councillor but he never seemed comfortable as a mayor. In his riding of Etobicoke he knew every street, he knew the people, it was a finite landscape. But Toronto is a huge, multicultural, complex city and and I don't think Ford ever really got a handle on it

So, why did he become mayor. Well, here comes the media part and it ties him even closer to Trump and to one other politician

The media. In many ways, Mayor Rob Ford was a media creation.

Ford became the darling of a local radio station here, a talk radio station that overall has a pretty conservative philosophy. He and his brother Doug had their own weekend talk show and Rob was a regular guest on several shows. One of these shows, hosted by a guy named Oakley (a failed stand up comedian who overnight, as soon as he got a radio show, somehow became an expert on international politics) actively and vocally encouraged the counsellor to run for mayor. And he did

Trump of course is a media whore. Here he is on the campaign trail calling the Media "terrible people you have no idea" but of course he is famous due to the media. From his TV show The Apprentice and many many appearances, many of which he orchestrated. Yeh, Trump loved the media when he was able to tailor it to his own end. This media that actually reports on things he says and does, well that media is just awful

Ford was very much the same way. He had his connections to talk radio to and to the Toronto Sun and it was all jolly there, but when other media outlets began to examine his behaviour and actually asked him to take responsibility, well that media was evil. It was The Toronto Star that broke the whole crack scandal; before they finally did Ford bragged about how he had instructed his staff at City Hall to never return the Star's inquires. That worked for him. To this day, editors from the Sun just blame everything that Ford did on the Star.

So we seem to have a publicly elected politician who really seems controlled by the media. Ain't that interesting

Wait, we're not done yet. There is more mediameetspolitics to consider. As in John Tory, Toronto's current mayor. Tory sits on the board of Bell Media. For a brief time he tried to be head of the provincial conservative party (considering an old nickname in Canada for that party is the Tories, well that just seemed too obvious) When that venture fell apart, what did Tory do ... he became a radio talk show host After that, he became mayor

Yeh, can we see a pattern here

Presence of mind is important when selling a brand. And politicians are brands. I would wager that the vast majority of Trump's followers really know much about him, but they know him, they know his name, know his brand

Rob Ford was known to a lot of people, he had many real interactions with the people in his riding. But he wasn't known as much to the rest of Toronto. But he was on the radio, and people on the radio talked about him a lot. And John Tory, well you could always talk to him .. if you phoned in to his radio show

Presence of mind.

Now here in Toronto, shortly after Ford's death, his media buddies are so ardently revisiting his past that their fingers are bleeding. While his media critics are showing some compassion by not addressing the man's failures as mayor, his supporters have no such respect. Joe Wormington, editor at the Sun, the many henceforth to be known as the Weasel, was on the radio the day of Ford's death, promoting himself as the only ethical reporter in all the world and that every other word written about the man was just to make money for those other media outlets. Pretty disgusting actually

Ford never seemed comfortable in his expanded public role as the mayor. And it seems to me that the people who may have put him there don't really care. That puppet is done. Let's put the strings on a new one

LET'S MAKE IT GREAT TO BE BACK AGAIN: THE ART OF THE POLITICAL SLOGAN

Slogans. They've always been a part of politics. Especially campaigns and generally, they really don't mean very much. They are catch phrases, identifiers, mnemonic triggers really. Pavlovian in nature. You hear this phrase you think of this party, this candidate

In our sound bite, tweet driven world, slogans have taken on new meaning by having even less meaning than ever before

Doesn't it seem that the more tools that we have to facilitate communication the less actual communication we seem to do. We tweet, we like we share but are we communicating any more than before we had all this technology

For political and marketing strategies instant messaging in all it's formats is just another way to keep slapping that brand our our skin. Here's another sound bite, another slogan, there is no thought behind it, there is no substance but it is imprinting on your brain or so is the hope

Here in North America there are two slogans, or catchphrases, being pounded out by politicians that really are consulate doublespeak

Down in the US they are campaigning, actively campaigning, so certainly not at all surprising that slogans are being slung like the g strings around the hips of a tired stripper

The Donald may be the master of saying a lot without ever saying everything. There is no substance in anything that he says. It amazes me he gets away with saying "you have no idea" As in the media is terrible, "you have no idea" Hillary is corrupt "you have no idea" Um, ok, I have no idea Donald .. do you?

But it's his slogan I want to focus on. "We'll make America great again" It's hardly innovative. But when combined with his total lack of a platform, there's a lot to pick apart here. Firstly, OK, when was America great. You're going to make it great again, so when was it great, pin point that for me. And you should probably tell me why it was great, so I have some idea how you're going to get us back to that point. Isolationism is nothing new in American politics and what with The Donald's wall and wanting to deport muslims, is that what he is referring to, when the US stood alone .. Yeh, before it had much money or power. When the "walls" went down around the US and immigrants began to flood into the country, isn't that when it began to be great, when it entered one of its greatest building phrases. As a builder, you'd think The Donald would know that

I also want to know when the US ceased to be great. Was it when the last Republican president bankrupted the planet and, through a profit inspired invasion of foreign countries, inspired the current wave of terrorism. Or did the US cease to be great when a black man became president, a man Trump spent millions of dollars trying to prove was not even American

Up here in Canada the campaign for PM is officially over but our PM still seems hot on the campaign trail. Not a photo op this lad will ever avoid. And he is smiling for those cameras with his own slogan "Canada's back"

Um, Justin, where did it go? And to what are coming back?

It's very much like make America great again, isn't it. Scarily like that. There seems to be quantifiers needed here but there are none to be found

Is Canada back because a dude name Trudeau is once again PM? Is it back because we have a PM who instead of hiding in his office loves having his face everywhere? The Boy King likes to think of himself and his policies as innovative and forward thinking, if that's so, Justin, then you shouldn't be using the word "back" so much

In the long run I don't pay much attention to slogans. As I've said, they've always been there. But in both the case of Combover Boy and Captain Arrogance, we're not getting much else. Whether you are running a campaign or running a country, there must come a point where the slogan gives way to some substance.

In this age of plausible deniability politicians rarely commit to anything. Even campaign promises are seen to be ephemeral. Disposable. Say many words, mean nothing. It's all just to capture your attention without requiring a decision.

Did politicians ever say what they mean? Not really sure. But if they did, it would be great to get back to that