WALKING MISS HAYLEY

So, another Miss Hayley post, with another Miss Hayley video at the bottom. This is from our regular weekend visit to Cedarvale Park. We have been going to this big ravine park for several years now. We like it because there is a lot of space, a long ravine trail that leads into it, and a couple of smaller trails within the park itself that are pretty sheltered. And most importantly, there are dogs there, lots of dogs. We often refer to Cedarvale as the "dog park" while it was not, not legally ...until this past fall.

There are not an awful lot of official off leash parks in Toronto; there are, to the best of my knowledge, no off leash parks at all, but parks with off leash areas. In the last couple of years a lot has been made of the fact that there is something like a quarter million dogs in greater Toronto and not near enough off leash areas to service them all. It is a contentious issue here. This city is definitely divided along dog/no dog lines. I just don't me leash/off leash, I mean have a dog, don't have a dog. The more crowded our city gets, the more anti-dog sentiment we seem to have.

Which leads me to the whole off leash situation. I am essentially not a fan of off leash areas. I am a firm believer that your dog should be on leash on the street, on the public transit, in other public places. Miss Hayley is well behaved and well trained but I can't imagine walking her in the street off leash. First of all, it is dangerous. I've trained Hayley but I haven't trained every car, truck, bus, taxi .. or pedestrians. Secondly, I think it is inconsiderate. People walking along the street don't need to be pestered by a dog.

Parks are different. Not that I think people should be pestered, but parks are essentially recreational spaces. People aren't there chugging along on their errands, preoccupied with their business, they are there to relax, have fun, maybe do sport or exercise. Just like Miss Hayley and I. A park like Cedarvale, with its miles of trails and huge open spaces, should be able to be shared by all; truth is, in the summer, most of the two legged animals all crowd onto the sidewalks to exploit their wheels, leaving all that grass to the dogs.

Of course, the problem with sharing is, everyone needs to be on their best manners. And, my god, I don't know what goes through the minds of a lot of dog owners. They have no right to be out in public with their dog off leash, let alone on. You have the shit issue, which is really a big problem. If dog owners just pick up after their animals, a lot of the animosity against them would wane.

The other issue is dog behaviour. Some of the stuff I've seen makes my head ache. Dogs with their heads in coolers, dogs stealing other dogs' toys, dogs jumping ... a few weeks ago I was walking Hayley around our little neighbourhood park and for one entire circuit, about 15 minutes, I was assaulted by this kerry blue terrier. The whole way this thing was jumping up on me, while her owner remained stationary in the middle of the park, waving her hands in distress ... not a very successful dog training technique.

So I am not surprised that people want off leash areas, especially fenced in ones. People don't want dogs shitting on their grass and jumping on their pants, and I can't blame them. It doesn't have to be that way. If owners were responsible, picked up after their mutts, taught them manners, we could all happily co-exist.

So what's my issue with off leash areas, you ask? (You probably didn't ask but its my blog and in my blog you asked) I have a few concerns. One is, a fenced in area attracts irresponsible dog owners. Oh great, they say, there is a fence, my dog, my unruly, undisciplined dog, can run amok without my ever having to worry about etiquette or safety or proper socialization. The new off leash area in Cedarvale is huge. I don't think my video does it justice. Last weekend I saw a couple come in, let their dog off, then lean against the fence and and drink coffee and chat while their pet went gamboling off with a bunch of strange dogs .. great, that's the purpose of off leash areas. But it is also the danger. Dogs interacting always has the potential to go south But if you are there, observing, you can stop a problem before it starts. I know my dog and her border collie insanity; if that head goes down and starts to twist, some other dog is about to get gripped .. and as a rule I don't want that. So I call her off before it begins.

The other issue with a fenced in area is that it is great for a dog like Hayley, who loves to run and play with other dogs, a big contained area works great. But not all dogs like this kind of play and neither do their owners. They like to walk, and a place like Cedarvale, with all its trails, appeals to them. Of course, you can walk your dog on the leash but it is not the same. Off leash just gives you and your dog more freedom, Miss Hayley loves to wander a bit and sniff and explore. The video shows us on one of the lovely back trails, covered in snow, where the off leash Hayley is free to just move around and be a dog.

Still and all, it was a great day in the dog park. Lots of fresh snow and a relief from the absolutely frigid temps we have been experiencing lately. While we were there we met our friend hand his dog, who also happens to be a border collie ..and who happens to be called Hayley. Two border collie Hayleys, you know that is trouble.You will see in the video that lots of people came out on a Sunday to enjoy a nice winter day. Cross country skier, sledders, dogs ... and all sharing.

Now you all you go sing Kumbyah amongst yourselves. I'm getting a beer.



Miss Hayley at Cedarvale from Victor Kellar on Vimeo.

A NEW YEAR THAT FEELS LIKE THE YEAR I ALREADY HAD

As I write this it is now 2009. A couple of hours ago it was still 2008. Like, this isn't going to screw me up. By the time I finally remember that it is no 09 it will be 2010 ... are we going to call it '10? Now that is really going to screw me up.

The change of a calendar date has very little significance for me, especially this one . I mean, it just isn't natural. We are in the middle of a season, not the beginning of one (OK technically this is not the middle of winter but since we've had half a dozen major snow storms and its -22 C with the windchill, it sure as hell feels like the middle) so it doesn't really feel like anything has changed. It's been a year, but a year since what? Since the last time we said it was a new year ...

Perhaps this is me being incredibly egocentric (really Vic, you egocentric?), but I judge the new year from my birthday ... that's a year, folks. One year older, deeper in debt, and even more grey. Making me think that the year is changing now makes me feel even older ... gee, thanks a lot.

Was a time where the main significance of New Years was the part possibilities. I remember one year, in Kingston, just before I met Collette, I was still cooking; I was hopping into a cab in front of a hotel as Ma was hopping out of it ... yup, party party party.

Unlike Christmas, Collette and I have spent New Years in our own home, in our city. For a few years our New Years tradition was going to the Laugh Resort, a local comedy club, where you could have dinner on the main floor, go to the third floor to the see the show then to the sports bar on the second show afterwards. We loved that. It was in that bar that Collette discovered that the little green circles in the Nacho Grande were not olives ... OK, many cocktails had already been consumed and once she bit into it, she did indeed realize that it was a jalapeno.

We have also spent many New Years with my family in Kingston. We are pretty lucky in that my family does a New Years Day dinner where everyone comes together so if we spent Christmas up north, we could still see all of my fam. That was not on the agenda this year. Quite honestly, we were just too tired. If it wasn't for Collette's being alone on Christmas, we would have stayed here ...

So we decided to hang out in Toronto. The Laugh Resort is long gone (fuck you Mark Breslin) but they put on a "comedy extravaganza" at Massey Hall. I haven't seen this show, but it doesn't have the same funky feel to it as the comedy club and it was 60 bucks a pop, so we decided to pass on that.

Toronto puts on a free event at Dundas Square in front of City Hall. They call this First Night ... why isn't it New Years? Is there something offensive about the phrase New Years that we had to change it? No .. don't tell me .. I'm sure it would just piss me off. We briefly considered it, thinking it might be fun to do something outside but ... we didn't recognize any of the acts that were playing, we knew we would be jammed in there to the point that would get my claustrophobia ringing like a DefCon-4 alert, and it was going to be -22 C .... so the old folks decided to stay at home.

So I picked up a couple of sirloins, a bottle of wine, some shrimp ... and since we have been buying movies non stop since we got home from Christmas, we decided to just stay in, stuff our faces, and watch a few movies. Oh .. and I know this will shock you ... there was also beer.

So, a quiet New Years eve, but a very satisfying one. We actually went out last night. We went to a restaurant where the waitresses wore skirts that I thought were belts and they had half price margaritas .. and we went to see The Spirit. I may write more about this later, but let's say it was a unique movie, mostly in a good way. Hell, it has Samuel Jackson in a Nazi uniform, Scarlett Johanssen in lingerie and Eva Mendes in a wet suit ... really, how can you go wrong?

New Years is supposed to be this time to get sort of philosophical, reflect on the year just past and project to the one ahead. Um, sure. I ate steak, drank beer, cuddled with my woman, and watched movies where shit blew up. That's my notion of philosophy.

Happy New Year.

CHRISTMAS

Yeh, yeh, yeh, it's been a while since my last post. My business has a large seasonal element to it which means the month or so before Christmas I am editing into the morning hours and dodging the whining calls from my studios on the cell phone.

Christmas also means our travelling season is upon us. Collette gets a couple of weeks off for the Christmas holidays and since our families live in different cities, we usually spend a good percentage of that holiday on the road.

In the 25 years that Collette and I have been together, we have never spent a Christmas by ourselves, in our own house. Look, for me, being as atheist as one can get, the only significance Christmas has is a calendar date to get together with our families so it is something I look forward to. Still, it would be nice to spend at least one Christmas in the city where we actually live .... or some southern resort getting sun burnt and getting some rum-inspired tattoo I just know I will regret later.

The other significance Christmas holds for me, is that it's the anniversary of my mother's death. This is not a sad occasion. Ma has been gone long enough, now, that I can use this time to remember her, the person she was, the major influence she was in my life, and how much I miss her.

Which brings us to this Christmas just past. Collette's father, Nick, has just moved into his new condo and although he has a room mate, Fred, it's his first Christmas without his wife. There was not going to be a big family gathering this year so we wanted to go up and at least cook the old guy Christmas dinner.

So up we go to Parry Sound. This winter our entire country has been inside a giant snow globe of crazy weather but if you want winter, go to the Canadian Shield. I cut a little video (at the bottom of this post) that will give you a brief a glimpse of a true Ontario Christmas ... even if one day was more snow than rain.

There was no room for us at Nick's place but luckily his old house had not closed yet .. but it was empty. So we packed up our double air mattress, one of my small monitors and the Xbox I got for Christmas, loaded up some DVDs, a couple of games, some beer (you knew there would be beer didn't you?) and set ourselves up all comfy.

Collette spent a lot of time with her dad and Miss Hayley and I tramped around town, taking video and playing with the ball and exploring the Fitness Trail. Christmas Day Collette did the chef honours (being back north always brings out her domestic side) and we had a quiet time with Nick.

We didn't get to spend much time with the rest of the family as they live 40 minutes away from Parry Sound and the weather was sketchy. But the purpose of the trip was to spend as much time with Nick as possible, which worked out as his room mate, Fred was away for his own Christmas day.

So, a quiet day, without the usual chaos and clutter, giving something to someone who needed it, even if it was just company, some attention. For a guy who doesn't believe in Christmas, that works for me


Untitled from Victor Kellar on Vimeo.

BLUES, WOMEN, MUSIC

Last month Collette and I made our annual pilgrimage to the Women's Blues Review here in Toronto. The event has been hosted for 22 years and I don't think we've missed more than two shows. It began at Trinity St Paul church and is now hosted at Massey Hall, where they generally sell out.


Anybody who knows me, knows that I love the blues. It is a musical passion that Collette and I share. Although I can say that I love pretty much the entire spectrum of blues music, from the Delta, to Chicago, to the current day, I have always had a fondness for female blues singers.


Women like Bessie Smith, Ma Rainey, Sippie Wallace and Memphis Minnie were the original superstars of blues music; they toured in fairly large shows (at least Smith did) and had the first well selling recordings. Minnie was an innovator in both guitar playing and song writing and you can hear her influence to this day.

Women sang about everything, but they were primarily know for their raunchy songs. And of course women record the blues to this day, but their commanding popularity did wane, and men began to dominate the blues field in the early days.

When I talk to people about the blues, particularly women, a common lament is that they find it difficult to relate to the music. The complaint is too many of the songs are by men crying over the no good woman who done him wrong ... My thought has always been that just switch the genders in the song to suit you. Make it a man doing you wrong, accept it as universal constant.

At the concert, the amazing Lily Frost took an old Koko Taylor song and deliberately changed "all the boys" to "all the girls" which of course made the crowd go crazy. It was a cute little tribute and quite fitting but it got me wondering about all this "gender stuff" in music. Does it really matter if a woman sings a song from a male perspective and doesn't change the lyrics to affect the difference in gender? I remember Linda Rondstat never did that, she would sing "she" or "him" as originally written in the song, it was unusual at the time and it made me take notice.

So the Women's Blues Review is all women .. duh. Women singers and an absolutely smoking all women band. That changed this year. ShoShona Kish is a native Canadian singer who performs with a partner, a stunning guitarist named Raven Kanatakta and she brought him to play with her. I don't know if a male ever graced the stage at this particular event. It caused a ripple through the audience. Collette and I were sitting alongside a large group of women who seemed convinced that Raven was a female. Well, he has his long hair of course and in our white culture most Raven's are female but there was little doubt to his gender. I think they just did not want to accept that a man was involved in this all-woman event. And, while I don't go to this concert to watch male singers, Raven's inclusion did not bother me. From all accounts he and ShoShona work as a unit, they have never performed apart .. and damn, it was something to watch this guy play with Marg Stowe, who has been playing guitar with this from (I think) day one. It gave me chills.

But was it appropriate to have a male perform in an event designed to be an all female event? One of the appeals of the show is that it does give women an opportunity to play this music and to play with each other. I can't think of many other instances where that occurs. In the past glory days when women were the stars of the blues, they were backed up by male bands. Most of the female blues performers I can think of play with men. And here you have a show that is all female ... it is refreshing.

This show clearly appeals to women. Many men attend, but I would say the numbers tip in favour to the female side. What is it that draws women to all women events? What is it that bothers some males when women become involved in some "boy's club" ritual? "Why is that girl playing hockey? She can't play hockey!" Maybe she can, maybe she can't, it doesn't seem to matter, she shouldn't be there.

Generally, I don't care about gender mixing in these kinds of situations. Yes, I like the Women's Blues Reviews because it is unusual and I do enjoy female musicians and I love watching women perform this music because for the last forty years or more it has been a male dominated musical form and I just naturally gravitate towards anything that goes outside the box. And I love women's voices and the perspective they bring to the table. But I've gone to all male blues shows and enjoyed them as well.

Many years ago when I was living in Kingston I was in a used a record store (yes, records, you've seen them in museums) where the owner was piping music into the store. It stopped me cold. It was a woman singer and her voice and her lyrics immediately caught my attention. The guy told me her name was Ferron and I could buy the record he was playing, and I did

A couple years later I was playing one of the songs from the album and someone said "Oh yeh, the lesbian anthem" It had never occurred to me that Ferron was a lesbian or that any of her music was an "athem" The songs were about love, loss, redemption, struggle, joy ... life. Stuff I experience, stuff lesbians experience, stuff everyone experiences. I just don't care about the gender pref of the singer/writer. Its the stuff we share, not the stuff we don't, that interests me. Hell, I am big fans of Indigo Girls and Melissa Ethridge ... I'm also a fan of Muddy Waters and Lonnie Johnson, neither of whom could ever be considered .. um .. feminists. I can't get into music (or any art form) that is blatantly misogynistic, but I don't expect artist to tip toe through the politically correct tulips either. Life is life. I want singers to take that on. Deal with it.

So boys sing about girls, girls sing about guys, men sing about men, women sing about women and Tom Waits sings about Tony Franciosa ... Women can sing about things exclusive to their gender, like child birth, which I will never experience but it doesn't mean I can't connect to it, as long as it's honest. That's all I want; give me the truth and even if it's beyond my experience, I can relate to it. Hell, that's what I want out of art, a different experience.

LOVE IS SKIN DEEP . . . OR JUST BELOW IT

Last night was Halloween .. yay! We love Halloween. Dress up, be silly, watch religious people have a coronary. Collette and I have always loved this holiday ... which is why it is our anniversary. Anniversary of what, exactly? I'll get to that.


We decided to make a night of it. This was anniversary number 25 ... that's a little less than half my life. That's significant. So downtown we go, first to have dinner, then up the Panasonic (Utptown) Theatre to see We Will Rock You, the Queen musical. Collette and I saw this once before, at the Canon (Pantages) Theatre and really loved it. The Panasonic is a more intimate space and this performance featured musical powerhouse Camilla Scott .. in a role traditionally played by a male. And we got a good price, so it seemed a good night out.


The restaurant was several blocks away from the theatre but we had a beautiful, even balmy evening on hand so we walked up Yonge Street, dodging sexy nurses, naughty school girls, many Asian kitty cats and a spectacularly drunken Spiderman. As we walked along we passed a tattoo shop where I have had some work done in the past. I mused about getting another tattoo, Collette said we should get an anniversary tattoo, I thought maybe a simple black kanji for the number 25, we had some time to kill, and we were in the place ...


Seems there are no kanji for the number 25, so we started flipping through symbols. We wanted the same piece, of course, so it had to be something that represented both of us and this anniversary. Husband & wife .. um, no. Love .. no. Marriage ... er, no.


You see, we are not married. We are one of the most "married" couples you have ever met, but we are not married. We live in sin. This has been pointed out to us for a long, long time. Stand up comedian Charlie Fleischer pointed me out once in his act "Commit damnit! Commit!" Collette's mother once gave us a set of pots and pans. She was quick to point out "You didn't get the really good set, because you're not married." That's right, we live in sin. And there it was, the kanji for sin. An attractive graphic symbol. I was looking at a simple black piece but Collette likes colour .. and you see, this was to be her first tattoo and she wanted colour. So she found a Sin kanji in colour. So we made an appointment and went off to see the show.


So, skipping a review of a really, really good musical .. two hours later we were back in the tattoo shop. Getting inked. Collette decided to incorporate the number 25 into the piece ... 25 years of sin. Yeh, I was so down with that. We did a little customizing with colour and shadows but we got the exact same tattoo.

And I have to say: My girl is tough. She walked 60K over two days with no adverse result and when I asked her how the tattoo felt she replied "I really just wanted to take a nap, except for when it tickled"


Here are close ups of the tatts (still healing, of course). I got mine on the inside of my right forearm, Collette got hers on her right calf.


So here is mine ...

And here is Collette's ...

So an impulse? Sure. But an impulse 25 years in the making.

THE OTHER WOMAN

Collette and I will celebrating our 25th anniversary this weekend, on Hallow e'en (more on the irony or appropriateness of this later) and as sometimes happens in long relationships, it was time for a change. I love Collette. I think she's beautiful, but after 25 years I needed something new, I needed something different .... yes, I needed some strange.

So this evening I invited into my house a beautiful, sexy, vibrant new woman. Yes, she had some resemblance to Collette:

Yet this woman was enticing, glamorous, and oh so different:

Ok, I just have to say .. yum. In all our time together Collette has been the hairdresser maybe four times and this, without a shadow of a doubt, was the biggest change she has made. Oh yeh, lucky me.

AN ANNOYING LIST POST

I read somewhere that if you keep a blog and you run out of things to write about, do a list ... the top ten .. the best five ... the suckiest thirteen ... My first instinct was that this was kind of dorkish ... but, then, I look at my life with my collection of science fiction novels and samurai movies and have to admit that, well, I am a bit dorkish.

Then we have the movie High Fidelity with John Cusack and Jack Black. This is a movie about some guys who work in a vintage record store who occupy their days creating lists of things that nobody could possibly care about. The guys are dorks. But they are funny dorks. So maybe that makes them cool. Which makes lists cool. OK, I'm stretching here but self justification has always been one of my greatest strengths.

In my post on the death of Paul Newman, I noted that Cool Hand Luke would be on my list of top ten movies of all time. So I guess I sort of am in the list game. And the more I think about it, the more I realize that I have several lists banging around in my head (what they bang against I can't imagine, I hope it isn't my memories of the 20 gallon pot of chili I made when I was a cook, that could get messy)

I have never put any of these lists to paper. One reason is that these lists can be rather ephemeral, changing as often as my memory and preference may change. You can have a list of your ten favorite movies but there is no way it can contain the great movies you have yet to see, they have to be added later, so thusly the list changes. Also, I don't consider these lists to be of any great import, they are just me thinking about shit; but you know, that is what this blog is all about. Really, I just should have called it The Shit That I Think About.

So I guess this blog is a perfect place to drop down a few lists. Take them for what they're worth. Feel free to comment. Feel free to disagree or to add to the list. Feel free to dance the Lindy Hop while wearing a giant pink armadillo suit ... I don't judge.

This first list is one I have been thinking about for quite some time. It has changed a bit over time and I'm sure it will in the future. This my Top Ten Best Soliloquies in movies .. you can call them Monologues as well. I am not the first to blog about this of course ... can you be the first to blog about anything, now? I doubt that I am the first to blog about how you probably can't be the first to blog about anything. Wait, there has to be a first, doesn't there? Maybe I will be the first to think about the significance of being the second to blog about something .. but I doubt it .... OK, the preceding thought was a pointless ramble, I hope you took the opportunity to go get a coffee or a diet royal honey elixir or something.

OK, so here we go, rated ten to one but in a few cases the ordering is pretty random:

10: MALICE - ALEC BALDWIN - "I AM GOD" A great moment of cinematic arrogance:

"I have an M.D. from Harvard. I am board certified in cardiothoracic medicine and trauma surgery. I have been awarded citations from seven different medical boards in New England; and I am never, ever sick at sea.

So I ask you, when someone goes into that chapel and they fall on their knees and they pray to God that their wife doesn't miscarry, or that their daughter doesn't bleed to death, or that their mother doesn't suffer acute neural trauma from postoperative shock, who do you think they're praying to? Now, you go ahead and read your Bible, Dennis, and you go to your church and with any luck you might win the annual raffle. But if you're looking for God, he was in operating room number two on November 17th, and he doesn't like to be second guessed.

You ask me if I have a God complex?

Let me tell you something:

I AM GOD.

9: GRAPES OF WRATH - HENRY FONDA - "I'M EVERYWHERE" I never tire of hearing this one, simply and beautifully framed by John Ford and delivered in Fonda's soft, lightly accented voice that never gets loud but becomes totally steely by the end:

"I'll be all around in the dark. I'll be ever'-where - wherever you can look. Wherever there's a fight so hungry people can eat, I'll be there. Wherever there's a cop beatin' up a guy, I'll be there. I'll be in the way guys yell when they're mad - I'll be in the way kids laugh when they're hungry an' they know supper's ready. An' when the people are eatin' the stuff they raise, and livin' in the houses they build - I'll be there, too."

8: MALTESE FALCON - HUMPHREY BOGART - "A MAN'S PARTNER" For me, this speech perfectly sums up the cynical romanticism of both film noir and hard boiled detective fiction. Sam Spade lives by a code, and in a world where everyone is motivated solely by greed and self-promotion, he sticks to his code, even when it makes no sense:

"When a man's partner is killed, he's supposed to do something about it. It doesn't make any difference what you thought of him. He was your partner and you're supposed to do something about it. And it happens we're in the detective business. Well, when one of your organization gets killed, it's-it's bad business to let the killer get away with it, bad all around, bad for every detective everywhere. "

7: APOCOLYPSE NOW - ROBERT DUVALL - "NAPALM IN THE MORNING" We all know it, we all love it, we all misquote it whenever we can:

"You smell that? Do you smell that? Napalm, son. Nothing else in the world smells like that. I love the smell of napalm in the morning. You know, one time we had a hill bombed, for twelve hours. When it was all over I walked up. We didn't find one of 'em, not one stinkin' dink body. The smell, you know that gasoline smell, the whole hill. Smelled like... victory. Someday this war's gonna end... "

6: WALL STREET - MICHAEL DOUGLAS - "GREED IS GOOD" Oh, this just perfectly sums up my views on Wall Street, capitalism, corporate North America and rich guys in expensive suits and too much hair gel:

"The point is, ladies and gentleman, is that greed - for lack of a better word - is good. Greed is right. Greed works. Greed clarifies, cuts through and captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit. Greed, in all of its forms - greed for life, for money, for love, knowledge - has marked the upward surge of mankind. And Greed - you mark my words - will not only save Teldar Paper but that other malfunctioning corporation called the USA. "

5: BITE THE BULLET - BEN JOHNSON - "THE PRIZE" This is a great western with a great cast (Gene Hackman, James Coburn, Ian Holmes, Candice Bergen) and a compelling script by Richard Brooks. There are several outstanding monologues but the one that stands out is delivered by Ben Johnson, to Hackman, in the dark, halfway through the brutal cross country horse race as Johnson, the nameless old man who Hackman has just rescued, explains why he is participating in the race:

"God, what ain't I tried. Pony express rider, Overland Stage driver, lawman, gambler, riverman, rancher, rodeo hand, barman, spittoon man... old man. Never much to remember. Of course, there ain't much to forget, either. Nobody's got much use for an old man. I can't blame 'em much. That's why I'm going to win this here newspaper race. When I cross the finish line, I get to be a big man. Top man. A man to remember. "

4: THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN - STEVE McQUEEN - "WHAT IT GOT ME" The hardened pro gunfighters try to dissuade the kid from picking up the gun and he says "That gun has got you everything you have" and McQueen, the absolutely coolest human in history, leans against the bar, eyes lowered and recounts all that his gun has earned him:

"Yeah, sure. Everything. After awhile you can call bartenders and faro dealers by their first name - maybe two hundred of 'em! Rented rooms you live in - five hundred! Meals you eat in hash houses - a thousand! Home - none! Wife - none! Kids... none! Prospects - zero. Suppose I left anything out? "

3: BITE THE BULLET - GENE HACKMAN - "SAN JUAN HILL" I told you this movie had some great monolouges. Hackman plays an ex Rough Rider and here he recounts the famous charge up San Juan hill to Candice Bergan. First, he gives her the politically correct version of dashing bravery then returns and gives her the truth:

"That's not the way it happened at all. It wasn't anything like it was in San Antoine where we did our trainin'. That's where I ran into Luke and a lot of other men from every other country who wanted to be Roughriders. Bakers and barbers and Congressman, cattlemen, ballplayers, farmers and porters... cowboys. No, we didn't rough ride up that hill, 'cause we didn't have any horses. We didn't charge up there, either. We crawled up there on our scared bellies. There was only one horse and one rider - that was Colonel Teddy. He went chargin' up that damn hill and they shot his glasses off. He put on another pair and they nipped him in the elbow, and he said, "Follow me!" And we did, 'cause we was too damned ashamed not to. "

2: THE WIND AND THE LION - SEAN CONNERY - "I AM THE LION" This is a monologue, by Connery, in voice over. It is a letter written to Teddy Roosevelt by Connery's Barbary Sheik, after the former has defeated the latter, ending Connery's nomadic way of life, and confirming the US's power in the world:

"To Theodore Roosevelt - you are like the Wind and I like the Lion. You form the Tempest. The sand stings my eyes and the Ground is parched. I roar in defiance but you do not hear. But between us there is a difference. I, like the lion, must remain in my place. While you like the wind will never know yours. - Mulay Hamid El Raisuli, Lord of the Riff, Sultan to the Berbers, Last of the Barbary Pirates. "

1: JAWS - ROBERT SHAW - "THE INDIANAPOLIS" What can you say? Number one, little doubt in my mind. This is a long speech. It lasts for a few minutes. A couple of cutaway shots but it is all Shaw, and all script. Words and performance so vivid you can smell the ocean and hear the waves and sense the sharks moving through the water ... more effective than any filmed flashback sequence:

"Japanese submarine slammed two torpedoes into our side, Chief. We was comin' back from the island of Tinian to Leyte... just delivered the bomb. The Hiroshima bomb. Eleven hundred men went into the water. Vessel went down in 12 minutes. Didn't see the first shark for about a half an hour. Tiger. 13-footer. You know how you know that when you're in the water, Chief? You tell by looking from the dorsal to the tail. What we didn't know, was our bomb mission had been so secret, no distress signal had been sent. They didn't even list us overdue for a week. Very first light, Chief, sharks come cruisin', so we formed ourselves into tight groups. You know, it was kinda like old squares in the battle like you see in the calendar named "The Battle of Waterloo" and the idea was: shark comes to the nearest man, that man he starts poundin' and hollerin' and screamin' and sometimes the shark go away... but sometimes he wouldn't go away. Sometimes that shark he looks right into ya. Right into your eyes. And, you know, the thing about a shark... he's got lifeless eyes. Black eyes. Like a doll's eyes. When he comes at ya, doesn't seem to be living... until he bites ya, and those black eyes roll over white and then... ah then you hear that terrible high-pitched screamin'. The ocean turns red, and despite all the poundin' and the hollerin', they all come in and they... rip you to pieces. You know by the end of that first dawn, lost a hundred men. I don't know how many sharks, maybe a thousand. I know how many men, they averaged six an hour. On Thursday morning, Chief, I bumped into a friend of mine, Herbie Robinson from Cleveland. Baseball player. Boatswain's mate. I thought he was asleep. I reached over to wake him up. Bobbed up, down in the water just like a kinda top. Upended. Well, he'd been bitten in half below the waist. Noon, the fifth day, Mr. Hooper, a Lockheed Ventura saw us. He swung in low and he saw us... he was a young pilot, a lot younger than Mr. Hooper. Anyway, he saw us and he come in low and three hours later a big fat PBY comes down and starts to pick us up. You know that was the time I was most frightened... waitin' for my turn. I'll never put on a lifejacket again. So, eleven hundred men went in the water; 316 men come out and the sharks took the rest, June the 29th, 1945. Anyway, we delivered the bomb."

So that's the list. As I said, I could change it in a year but a few them aren't going anywhere, especially Shaw's and Ben Johnson's. Most of them come from great movies. Malice was a good movie, it just happened to contain a great soliloquy. I just hope with all this CGI and green screens, and MTV style frantic editing, we never forget the power of some choice words and some sincere expression.