This Saturday evening past, Collette and I attended an annual Toronto sign of the season ... No, not sniping overburdened Russian trophy wives in Yorkdale malll; no, not watching Mayor Rob Ford fill up his Cadillac's gas tank with egg nog; no, not hunting drunken elves in the provincial Parliament ...
We attended the Cavalcade of Lights at City Hall. I originally misread the description and was disappointed when thousands of festive lights did not come crashing down the twin towers of City Hall ...
Oh wait, I get it, Cavalcade, not Avalanche of Lights .. I see.
Anyway, I've never before been to this event. They throw a party in Nathan Phillips Square in front of City Hall. This year the Grey Cup is in Toronto so they drained the skating room and lined it with astroturf; I think it was the prototype for a brand new sport, Ice FootPuck.
They string lights all around the square and they bring in this tree; it's a mutant tree, a giant tree, the sasquatch of trees, the Chewbacca of trees, it was brought in by a giant building crane and a troupe of Special Forces Ents.
It's a big fucking tree.
They tried to build a sense of excitement leading up to the big event, the actual lighting of Tree Mullet (hey, this is a Canadian tree), with a show featuring a bunch of incredibly generic and moderately talented singers, every one of them billed as "Canada's next superstar" Really? We can only have one superstar? So will all these singers get down on the artificial gridiron and throw down with mic sharpened mic stands and shuriken head sets? Will it be a battle royal until the last one standing is declared The Superstar? There can be only one!
Um, that didn't happen of course. Les sigh.
Having never attended this event I wasn't quite certain to expect. They had this giant tree, Tree Hockey Hair, and it was festooned with thousands of lights, so I was kind of expecting to see the lights coming on in succession, maybe starting at the bottom and climbing up to the top. I mean, this isn't too much to ask for, we have the technology. We built the CN Tower, we have new subway trains, Tim Horton engineered how to put jelly inside of a donut ...
What we got instead were the lights coming on. One moment they were off, the next moment they were on. It was sort of eerie, it was like someone flipped on a switch ...
Oh stop whining Kellar. Here's the video
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