MARTIAL ARTS HAVE GONE TO THE DOGS

As I have mentioned in the past, Collette and I are big fans of Mixed Martial Arts, also known as MMA, in particular the Ultimate Fighting Championship, otherwise known as the UFC. It is a full contact fighting sport that combines a variety of martial arts including boxing, wrestling, ju jitsu, mui thai, judo and many others. Essentially a typical fight is comprised of two components; stand up (boxing, kick boxing etc) and the ground game (wrestling, ju jitsu, grappling). You can win by knock out or by submission by way of tap out ... OK that is the educational component of this blog. Hope you paid attention. There will be a test later.

Yesterday, in Viewmount park, Collette and I witnessed a live MMA fight that rivalled anything we've paid for on Pay Per View. It featured two young and up and coming mixed martial arts fighters who, although they lacked in experience, make up for it in enthusiasm and ferocity. Officiating is important in MMA, the ref has a lot of power, protecting the fighters, keeping the action flowing and even stopping a fight to determine a winner. Luckily, a wily and veteran ref happened to be on hand for this match.

TALE OF THE TAPE:

IN THE TAN CORNER: A five month old huskie from Siberia, a grappling specialist with impressive submission skills, this middle weight fighter is known for his effective throat hold submission move, introducing Barky:

IN THE BLACK & WHITE CORNER: A three month old Collie from the Border regions this lightweight fighter is a stand up specialist known for her take down defence and lightning quick offense, introducing Terra:

OUR REFEREE: One of the most experienced officiants in the sport, a former welterweight champion, known for her devastating stand up as well as her dominating ground game, a legend of MMA .. Hayley:

As the first round gets underway, Barky uses his weight advantage to good effect, taking Terra to the mat, pinning her and going for a quick submission

Barky uses his superior grappling skills, to pin his smaller opponent, but Terra maintains an effective guard, keeping Barky to a side mount

In a stunning reversal, Terra breaks the hold and gains the dominant position, attempting a full mount to initiate some ground and pound .. or perhaps that should be ground and bite.

The ref moves in, reminding the two young fighters about "bites to the face"

The fighters gain their feet and quickly engage, fighting for position, locking up, dancing in the middle of the ring, testing each other's strength

The ref, like the crowd, grows bored with the action

In a stunning move, Terra uses uses an obscure and probably illegal mui thai take down and gains full mount inside Barky's guard

Barky attempts a counter, but Terra retains her position through strength, guile, and the threat of peeing on her opponent.

Terra presses her advantage, trying for total domination of the other fighter and securing her victory and .. oh wait! Is that a tennis ball?

The ref's disinterest reaches an all time high ...

Sensing the match may be getting out of hand, Terra employs a never fail martial arts technique employed by females around the world over for thousands of years .. the dreaded kiss lock

Not even our valiant grappling specialist can deal with such overwhelming technique .. and besides that WAS a tennis ball ...

So, Mr Dana White, president of the UFC, we await your call. We expect to get paid in Milk Bones. Canadian.